Hello, it is me again.   Things have been up and down since my last blog where I wrote a little about the pain that someone I mistakenly considered a friend caused.  It turns out the pain is still here – I really wish it would go away as it all belongs in the past and I am tired of feeling pain for something that really did not exist (except in my imagination).

Anyway, let me tell you about my Saturday, which turned out to be a great day.  Ok, the day started off slowly and it was cold.  I had invited some friends over for dinner – it was the first time that I was to cook for people in this apartment which kind of haunts me as it is the apartment that I moved into as things became dark and depressing and most of the memories that I have of the apartment are negative.  I decided that the apartment should become a different place, a place of fond memories.  So, I was going to cook (and order in) and people were going to come over and we would all have a good time.

It kind of went better than planned – I think that they had fun.  I realised that although I feel alone and isolated much of the time, I spent Saturday evening surrounded by kind, interesting, fun and beautiful friends.  They are all relatively new friends and, after the last 18 months, i am terrified of letting them become close.  Although I hate instruction manuals, I wish there was something to tell me what I should do.  Letting go, relaxing and just going along with the flow sounds good but the last time I did that, it had dire consequences for me.

Anyway, I am not sure what tomorrow will bring – all I know is that I have spent the last 3 days in bed with a chest/head cold.  Something will have to give, maybe, as the song goes, “the sun will come out tomorrow”.

Ciao for now, SpaceCadetInAthens